New Year

Despite the cold, I enjoy this time of year. Days are lengthening, even if slowly. There is a sense of revival and new beginnings to life.

I make no resolutions, although I like to re-examine what I want in my life. For me, this requires a thoughtful approach to my choices and opportunities. Without a commitment to considering what it is you want, you will continue to ride the wave of fate. Fate may or may not be kind, but the point is you will not be moving toward your conscious choices. You will simply be responding to events around you.

I spent some time this morning revising my fundamental and primary choices. It's a work in progress, but simply making adjustments based on what I have achieved and new emerging goals has me feeling optimistic.

Happy New Year

“You are a creator for whom all things are possible, and you create through the focus of your thoughts, your words and the actions that you take- enabling metaphysical principles and an intelligent Universe to conspire on your behalf.”  Mike Dooley

Cold - Very cold

It's bitterly cold here in the northeastern US. Temperatures have been hovering at and below zero for multiple days and there's no sign of relief in the near future. If you must venture out, bundle up and make it quick.

Cold weather is far more dangerous than hot weather to humans. More people die from exposure to cold than to heat. Intuitively, this makes sense. On the hottest day (say 100 degrees or so), the temperature is essentially 15 degrees above comfort level. On the coldest day (we had temps of -8 degrees the other morning), we were 93 degrees below that same comfort temp. Brrrrr.

Stay warm.

Progressive Candidates

Maybe it's the optimist in me. Maybe it's my deep progressive roots. Maybe it's my sense of history. Maybe it's my hope for a better world.

But I'm feeling like there's a reckoning coming to the world-wide nationalistic, austerity-driven worldview. I could also be wrong.

If I'm right, Cathy Glasson from Iowa is on the leading edge of a progressive revival.

Give Me A Good Tactic

People aren't filled with apathy. They do care. People do want better lives for themselves, their children and their neighbors. No one wants to struggle to put food on the table or to keep a roof over the heads of loved ones.

What's happened, in my view, is there is a large group of people who have given up. They see no hope in challenging the system so they come home from work, lock the door, pull the shades and pump in hours and hours of broadcast anesthesia. Absent a movement with a message of where we need to go and effective tactics/strategies to get there, we are not going to recruit anyone to our cause.

In many ways, our movement organizations own this. We certainly understand how to agitate people - there are no shortages of injustices in the world. What we lack is a convincing program to challenge the power structures. How will our actions be effective? What can we say about the outcome? There are times when you simply have to protest because it is righteous, but does anyone really want to participate in a one-off event to be waited out by the power structure?

Collective action does not guarantee results, but it is the only action that produces results. The same group that many believe are apathetic are there to be persuaded, waiting for inspiration and tactics that work. This is our job moving forward.

People rise up and power structures double-down. Change requires coercive demand for change. To create an effective demand for change, we need people power. To get people power, we need a clear message and convincing strategy to move people in our direction. To do this, our communications should be on the Why, and our organizers and committed volunteers need to focus on the How to recruit our people power.

Both are needed. Why and How.

ODD

One of my values is taking ownership for mistakes. I value it in myself and others, and it raises flags for me when others deflect and blame. The challenge, and the reason for the warning flags is an unwillingness to take ownership necessarily creates obstacles to growth and development. You cannot fix a vulnerability unless you expose it.

Another value of mine is not defining people by their worst moments. At first look, these might seem incongruous values but they're not - in fact, I would say that understanding this about me should help in overcoming any hesitation in working through mistakes. Taking ownership with someone who understands we all have our worst moments creates growth opportunities for all involved.

I suppose there are lots of reasons why people deflect and blame others for their own imperfections. A close friend who I've shared some of these challenges with has shared back with me something called oppositional defiant disorder. My friend was mostly talking about Donald what's-his-name, but I didn't have to look far to see some closer examples.

Apropos Of Nothing

Trump is ditching the Paris Accord because his hand was squeezed too hard by the new French president. I wish I was making this up.

Heading out for a bike ride around Governor's Island up in Gilford. I'm thinking about riding up from Concord - it's only 27 miles, but it will be my first long ride this year. I'm not sure I'm ready - we'll see.

Some people are just not doing what they were meant to do. You know who you are.

I'm heading to Philadelphia on Tuesday for two days. I was hoping for a Barnes Museum visit but it doesn't look possible. Going to see a hotel room and airport. That's it.

I have no interest in the Boston Red Sox. Not even box score scanning these days.

I've pretty much had it with Clinton Derangement Syndrome. I'm not fan of the Clintons, but agree completely with Hillary's assessment that she lost the election because of Russian meddling, Comey interference and a weak and ineffectual main stream media. It boggles my mind to read the columns by the same people who wouldn't move off the non-story email bullshit now telling Clinton to STFU and go away. We are all well and screwed.

Average Ordinary Life

Heard this on Coffeehouse on Sirius the other day and looked it up. The guitar playing is really good and his voice resonates with another age of music.

It's Obvious

To those with eyes to see and ears to hear that Donald what's-his-name is not well.

Ugh

Rebecca Traister has a superb essay in the New York Magazine on the woman who should be president. It took a perfect storm to keep Hillary Clinton out of the White House - Russian interference in our election, wide-spread voter suppression and voting irregularities, a bumbling FBI director and a weak and complicit main stream media.

It was always going to be a challenge to elect a woman as president:

"But postmortems offering rational explanations for how a pussy-grabbing goblin managed to gain the White House over an experienced woman have mostly glossed over one of the well-worn dynamics in play: A competent woman losing a job to an incompetent man is not an anomalous Election Day surprise; it is Tuesday in America."

It is a very well written, somewhat nostalgic, somewhat bittersweet read. Because at the end of the day, Donald what's-his-name is president and Hillary is filling Easter baskets:

"It was all very ordinary and small-talk-y until you remembered that Donald Trump is president and Hillary Clinton is discussing the merits of Peeps versus jelly beans."

Another Angle On Debt

Imagine this: You and I have just started our own country! It will be a peaceful little place, making Luxembourg look like a terrorist haven.

The challenge is, we need a currency to assist our citizens in the exchange of goods and services. What do we do? Well, like all other sovereign currency issuers (Britain, US, Japan to name a few) we print up our own buckaroos. Now what? We have stacks of these in our basement, how do we distribute them and provide any legitimacy to our newly printed currency?

Here's how. We do two things simultaneously. We both spend the currency and create a need for the currency through taxation. The spending can be on labor-intensive infrastructure or care of our children. It matters none - get the currency into circulation. The tax serves only to provide legitimacy to the currency - you want to live in our country, pay your taxes, and, oh by the way, we only accept our buckaroos as payment.

Done. As you note in the very simplified example of our new country, taxes have nothing to do with the issuance of our sovereign currency. In fact, taxes come after the spending, which is how all sovereign currency issuers do business. This is not theory - it's a description of our monetary system.

There is no debt. It is an outdated concept based on gold-standard accounting practices that has embedded and grown roots in our culture.

Abiding Sense Of Tragedy

Getting older has disabused me of the idea that age brings wisdom. At least not directly. If you're paying attention, age brings with it a sense that you've seen the play before. There are fewer surprises and even fewer reasons to interfere with the nature of things. There is an acceptance of what is and what will be.

My view of human behavior has also changed with age. It is not a generous view - I think people will take the course or path causing the least amount of effort regardless of the outcome. Not true for all people, obviously, but most. This makes it much more challenging to assemble good teams and influence the machine. Maybe near impossible for the latter, because the machine has no interest in our inactive frustration.

For me, this has meant learning how to navigate the environment without tremendous hope for positive influence. Trust me when I say this is a feature, not a bug - it keeps me going despite the probability of an unfavorable outcome. It just makes it more difficult to motivate other citizens who are seeing the same landscape and prefer to check out. Perhaps it's the combination of national and local political circumstances and micro-local personnel challenges, but I've developed a healthy cynicism of how much people are willing to tolerate before they are willing to take action.

And what I've come to realize is this is the normalization process as part of the human condition. Unless you've been radicalized, which carries its own dangers, it is far more appealing to stay on the float than to jump in the water.

When people like Donald what's-his-name and Chris Sununu are piloting the float, that is the tragedy.

"All Men Are Frauds."

"The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it." H.L. Mencken

Random Musings

• My mom died in my arms on this date in 2004. I miss her. I plan to visit tomorrow.
• I just finished a book titled, "Why Unions Matter." by Michael Yates. It was solid but new ideas were conspicuously absent.
• Trump's back from overseas. This sucks.
• I'm starting, "Hegemony How-To" by Jonathan Smucker. He was an early organizer with Occupy so I have high hopes here.
• How is it even possible for there to be outrage over Clinton using a private server for email and no outrage for Trump's son-in-law attempting set up illegal communication channels with the Russians? WTF? I get that Republicans are held to a different standard, but this is crazy.
• There was a great street musician outside of Bagel Works this morning. He made my morning coffee and bagel a bright part of my day. Thanks, man.
• I think I'm going to buy a Nissan Murano.
• Trump's back from overseas. This sucks.
• I facilitated a 'Blue and You' discussion on community policing at UNH a week or so ago. It was a long and rewarding day. I read today in the Times that a few police departments are releasing body cam videos of police officers performing near-heroic deeds. I understand the criticism of this tactic, but support it nevertheless. There are good police officers out there who deserve to be recognized.
• Trump's back from overseas. This sucks.

The Scam

Here's another way to look at economic systems. Again, a gentle reminder that economics are a physical concept and a free creation of the human mind. Economics does not exist on its own in the natural order.

We share this small planet, orbiting the sun, with approximately 7 billion humans and untold other living species. To the best of our knowledge, we have clawed our way to the top of the food chain and can even protect ourselves from some natural calamities.

The planet is full of resources that need to be responsibly managed. We have not, however, developed a system of living to do this. Instead, we have gone far in the opposite direction and aligned the resources of our planet with human greed. The result is we have most of the 7 billion human inhabitants living in abject poverty and suffering, and a small percentage enjoying an exorbitant lifestyle.

We have done this by legalizing the feudal system. We've artificially carved up the land areas into countries, and within countries even further stratified the land with private ownership tied directly to our economic system. Political systems, particularly in the US, are tilted far in favor of the wealthy minority through a disproportionate representational system. Even within this system, the rules are further skewed to favor the minority, for example the use of the filibuster in the US Senate.

Compounding this, of course, is the corruption of the political and economic systems. They are so integrated in the 21st century that you cannot see where one begins and the other ends. Corporate captains are writing our public policy and paying off legislators through campaign contributions and independent expenditures. Hell, the Koch brothers are pumping hundreds of millions of dollars in to the system to get the results that benefit them.

The wealthy elite benefit tremendously from austerity policies and privatization. One leads to the other. So the defenders of this system, the protectors of the status quo, continue the propaganda about national debt without pause, including the myth of the rugged American individual. You know, if you can't make it, it's your fault, not the system.

We're left with a system that produces exactly what it was designed to produce. More money for them and screw the rest of us.

There Is No National Debt, Part The Infinity

Close your eyes. Suspend the idea you have any clue about how money works.

Now, explore this concept:

There is no such thing as the national debt. At least in the traditional sense you and I understand debt to be. Effectively, this means our country is not broke.

First, remember two things: 1) Our economic system is a free creation of the human mind. It is not governed by any of the laws of nature. 2) The US currency is not backed by any precious metal. No gold or silver standard. It's paper, and backed only by our belief in it.

I'll pause here for a moment and share with you that my wife thinks I sound like a lunatic when I talk about the US monetary system. Please bear with me and judge for yourself.

Keeping in mind the two important points above, also know you have been trained since birth in the balancing of accounts. It's bad to spend more than you earn (it is) and you must pay all your bills (probably a good idea.) Unless you've been raised by grifters, you've had this coursework drilled into you for years, and it's mostly true. For you, me and any other entity operating in the horizontal banking system. But it's not true for the federal government, which is the sole operator in the vertical monetary system as the provider of a fiat, sovereign currency.

In practice, in reality, what this means is every nickel that 'is owed' by the US government has been paid. What? Yes. We have multiple modes of transactions. Most of us mere mortals use cash or credit cards to pay what we owe on goods or services. The other method is bonds, which are nearly the same as cash - simply a different vehicle of payment.

So, we're not 'borrowing' from anyone, or any country, in practice. The US Congress passed a law many years ago forcing the Treasury to sell bonds in the amount representing the difference between tax receipts and federal government spending. But there's no need. In fact, the US spends first and the bond sales happen well after the spending.

Then why do we pay taxes you ask. Good question. There are two reasons for taxes: 1) they provide a legitimacy for the currency. If we are taxed in dollars, we need to go out and participate in the monetary system to get the dollars we need to pay our tax bill. 2) As a governor on the national economy. If the economy is in a slump, decrease taxes and put more money in the hands of consumers. If the economy is hot, and inflation is approaching, raise taxes and take money out of the hands of consumers. Simple.

Remember, this only applies to the feds as issuers of the sovereign currency. All other players in our economic system must play by the balanced account rules.

I used to think otherwise. Like 90% of the country. Like my wonderful wife who thinks me a lunatic. But I read Warren Mosler and others and now I know better.

There is no national debt.

Infrastructure And The Public Good

Our corporate democracy has done a number on the value of the concept of public. Today, through propaganda and marketing, all that has value is the concept of private. Study after study prove that public sector employees deliver more for less and show how corporations fleece taxpayers in the long term.

We seem to have the same debate about our infrastructure and the public good. Congress, especially with Republicans in charge, do not have the political will to invest in either. Our roads, bridges and parks are deteriorating, yet we invest very little. I've thought for years we should put the military in charge of all of this and there would be no funding problems. The Pentagon seems to get the cash it needs, and most times more.

Why don't we have free internet for the public good? Free college? Mostly because there's a buck to be made.

It got me thinking about rural America in the 1930s. Very few rural communities were electrified back then. Imagine living without electricity, running water, indoor plumbing or a central heating system. Yet, that's how half the country lived at the time. And it cost lives, or at least years of life. In Robert Caro's biography of Lyndon Johnson, he writes about the life of a woman in the Texas hill country. According to Caro, women walked hundreds of yards to gather water, further to gather wood for the stove, and it was worse on wash day. At night, they worked by dim kerosene lamps.

No private company would electrify the hill country in Texas, or any other rural community in the US. There weren't enough consumers in each area to pay the construction costs, let alone the delivery distribution. Johnson changed all that. He wrangled money from the Rural Electrification Administration (a great New Deal program) and brought electricity to western Texas.

It's hard to overstate how this changed lives in Texas. Refrigerated food and electric lights were game changers, mostly for women. Electricity brought with it other conveniences and eased the burden for rural families.

Almost overnight, the life expectancy for women in the Texas hill country grew significantly. In Caro's book, he tells us the most popular birth name for boys in Texas in 1940 was Lyndon.

We could do this today, if we had the political will.

Worldview

I had an interesting conversation about worldview the other day. The context of the conversation was not routine, but yet I left with a better understanding of how worldview interferes with empathy and understanding.

The point of knowing, exploring and challenging worldview is that you open space for self-awareness. You see all of you - your past, your environment, your religion, ethnicity, the color of your skin - and how it fits in with the rest of the world. Understanding even the concept of worldview allows you to accept constructive criticism and to see how your actions and behaviors, regardless of intent, impact the world around you.

Exploring and challenging your worldview is an attempt to align your deep values with the world. It is more than simply respect, which, if you are unwilling or unable to dig deeper, is the basic standard. Challenging your worldview creates the moment that empowers you to change your mind about something you hold to be fundamentally true. Once you experience that shift - where your intellectual self displays momentary mastery over your intuitive self - you begin to search for it. It creates a hunger for it.

Much work has been done on how we settle on concepts and worldview. Jonathan Haidt posits that our limbic system acts first. This is the reptilian part of our brains responsible for our survival - our lizard brain. Once the lizard brain creates a position, the executive function (frontal cortex of the brain) goes into action to rationalize and protect that position. According to Haidt and many others, this is why facts very seldom shift a person from a position fundamentally held to be true. In many cases, it hardens the lizard brain position.

Finding ways to challenge your worldview create opportunities to de-link, even for brief moments, the limbic and frontal cortex. It opens you up to constructive criticism, new ideas, change, breaking bad habits and a whole new world of empathic understanding. The crazy part of this is, that if you don't understand this, you are unable to experience it at any level. This puts any challenge to your worldview into the wheelhouse of your limbic system where your survival instincts take over. You are unable to absorb the new idea.

Hamlin Garland once wrote, "the sun of each person's truth shines on the earth at slightly different angles." 

We're all shadow dancing with each other.

Sun Day

To me, the sun is equal parts puzzling, amazing, powerful and mysterious mixed with a little bit of anxiety. To think the sun has been at the center of our solar system for 4 - 5 billion years, burning with enough heat and light to sustain life on this planet is incredible. That it will be there for approximately another 10 billion years is almost unimaginable. It is nearly impossible for me to believe there is enough fuel within that giant star to continue burning for that long.

It is not new to celebrate the life-giving force of the sun. Cultures have done so for thousands of years - most have days named in honor of the sun. Simply put, we are here because there is a sun.

Today, at least from my limited US view, Sunday has become a weekend day. Don't get me wrong, it's a great day and I'm not giving it back. But I am going to celebrate each time I feel the warm rays of the giant orb, being grateful for the unseen photosynthesis that sustains our planet.

Senseless

A friend of my son succumbed to addiction yesterday. Nate. My son and Nate were friends in high school and have kept touch through the years. 

My son is taking it hard. Those who know us understand. 

It is always difficult for those left behind to make sense of such a senseless disease. It's self-inflicted, yet it's not. No more so than any other disease. 

I'm thinking about Nate's family today. They've been waiting for this day, no doubt. Every knock on the door, every late night phone call brings with it a creeping anxiety that one of your lights is being extinguished. 

You fight that feeling for years - thinking you caused, controlled or had the cure. You don't and it is such a hopeless feeling. At first, you detach and you use anger to make the initial thrust. But if you continue to use emotion to detach, you haven't really detached and you risk losing so much more. Finally, with help, you can reach a point where you detach with love and support, knowing that all our stories end the same. 

Some of those stories are sad. Some are tragic. Some are tragically sad. Senseless. 

You were enough, Nate.

All Quiet On The White House Front

I'm only a headline surfer but it was mildly surprising for a Saturday afternoon to have no leaks from inside the White House about Trump's incompetence/rage/flatulence.

Then I read Trump is in Saudi Arabia.

Two days without a catastrophe will have the MSM writing about the Trump comeback! 

Put Something Right

My Google box tells me rectify means to put something right. I suppose it's as good a title for a television series as any, but it still feels so very understated. Much like the show - powerful yet understated.

I'm not a trained reviewer. It is impossible for me to capture all of what Rectify shared with the audience over its four year running. Kell and I watched it over a few months and its sat with me for the past month since we finished.

The plot is simple but not easy. Daniel Holden (Aden Young) serves nearly 20 years on death row in Georgia for the rape and murder of his then 16-year old girl friend. Daniel was only 17 at the time. Years later, through the efforts of his younger sister (who never gave up on Daniel) and a determined young lawyer from a death penalty opposition legal firm, Daniel is freed based on newly discovered DNA evidence.

The show tracks the Holden family and the community of Paulie, GA. Those who think Daniel is guilty and those who think he wasn't. Daniel is the central character, obviously, and Young is truly superb in his role. Combined with excellent scripts, direction and musical scores, Rectify became the show I did not want to end. After 20 years on death row, Daniel had detached emotionally from the world. The depth of his suffering and the root of his psychological damage is not really known until near the end of the series. This is a feature not a bug. Part of the beauty of the show is the effort Daniel puts in to make connections with other characters and the viewers.

While I didn't want the series to end, it was an elite finale, totally satisfying. An ending that pays homage to the Holden family's quest for some sense of resolution and to close the circle they have been desperate to close - never giving up on Daniel as he stumbles while trying to make sense of the outside world. Rectify is a once in a lifetime show.

If that's not enough to peak your interest, the sound track is incredible. I discovered The Drive By Truckers watching the show, which led me to Jason Isbell (formerly of the Truckers).

People My Age

Gorka. What a treasure. Especially at 2a.

Insomnia

Sleep is evasive these days. 

That is all.

Brady's Done This Year

I've written before about my struggles with American football. It is a violent game. To produce the product that millions consume on television, thousands of young lives are laid waste. To create the infrastructure that supports professional players, tens of thousands of boys and sometimes girls are exposed to serious, debilitating injury or death. It's not just the cream of the physical crop that make it to the National Football League, it's also the winners of the survival roulette wheel.

Which brings me to Brady. I have no special insight - I'm a marginal fan whose enthusiasm for the sport wanes with my age. But as I scan the articles about the Patriots off-season moves and the recent comments from Brady's wife regarding his health, one plus one equals two for me. 

The local football team has loaded up to defend the Super Bowl title. Brady and team winning a 6th title would be a masterpiece of Da Vinci proportions in sports culture. Back to back and championships in 3 of 4 years, crafted in a career spanning 18 years where the average career expectancy is between 3 and 6 years.

Walking away, while and if he can, at that point is the only thing that makes sense to me.

Their Finest

We went to Red River last night to see Their Finest. It was good. I give it a solid B, although I ate far too many Granite State Chocolate Covered Raisins and feel the effects today. But that's not what I'm writing about.

The movie takes place in 1940s London, during 'The Blitz' as the German bombing of London was called by the British press. A young woman is hired to improve the narrative quality of the female voice in propaganda films. Similar to most vocations during this war, women were thrust into non-traditional jobs because the men were busy killing each other.

The plot is centered on the relationships between the script writers, including our heroine protagonist, the actors and the ministry of propaganda. It is simultaneously light and dark, funny and sad, and portrays the stoic response to the bombings that we so associate with the Brits.

It was enjoyable, although I think I would have written a different ending. And maybe that's the point. War does not make sense in any rational way so why should the stories about war finish with logical conclusions?

The movie is equal parts love story, love endings, propaganda, loss, redemption, loss and awakening. It is also part Rosey the Script Writer, deftly and quite possibly too subtlely reflecting the class differences in an elite, patriarchial society.

I should also mention the propaganda film the team is working on is about the evacuation/rescue of the troops at Dunkirk. There is a significance, although I'm still ruminating on it. Dunkirk, and the colossal incompetence of the field generals leading to it, was a British national embarrassment. But from the ashes of the debacle was born a different story - one of heroism and sacrifice, as a country rallied to the aid of countrymen in distress. It is a remarkable story, soon to have it's own modern-day movie at a theater near you.

Reaching Higher

There was a time period in my life where I worked with the most positive, energetic, brightest and caring people at every project I was on. Hard to believe, right? Building community-built playgrounds brings out the best in communities and citizens. Everything about it serves a higher purpose.

People volunteered for these projects - sometimes as many as 700 over a 7-day period. My role was to create teams, and teams of teams, each chartered with a specific task on a very large project. Without fail, the process brought the best out in people - their skills and their attitudes - serving the higher purposes. I never worked with a bad person and was always part of an incredible team. Every project.

I've spent a number of years trying to re-create that experience. I sometimes catch glimpses of it but am unable to replicate in any consistent way. Without a higher purpose, you begin to notice a degree of individualism and entitlement that separates people rather than bring them together. Without the unifying theme, there is a dedication to the minimum standard rather than aspirations to achieve something great as a team.

This is not a judgement. I have begun to view this as a survival mechanism in our quasi-libertarian US political environment where our culture is training citizens to look out for themselves. Homage is paid to the system which can do no wrong. Everything is the fault of the individual - the myth of the rugged American individual. You're not making it? You're not trying hard enough. 

And it's not everyone. I believe most people want something to believe in and to be part of a great team doing inspiring work. Our best work. On the other hand, it only takes a handful of people to sow the seeds of cynicism and work against the greater good. Especially in any system where the minority are protected.

Go team.

Idiocracy

Trump fired FBI Director James Comey yesterday. Just when I think I've seen the depths of Trump's insecurities and narcissism, he digs deeper. Over the past two weeks, Comey has publicly embarrassed the president with statements about the Russia-Trump ties investigation and about the role that Comey might have played in the presidential election.

This is a nakedly political decision. Again, I'm not holding my breath for repercussions. The electorate has seen a Republican party incapable of governing (at least going back to 2000) and have rewarded them with more power. From my biased view, the more audacious and brazen the GOP is in disrupting political norms and traditions, the more support they get from the base.

Perhaps there's a tipping point. If there is, and we have not yet reached it, I both wonder if we ever will, and the damage that will have been done to get there.

Stuff is messed up. 

The Center Holds

Speaking of French, I want to at least acknowledge the new French president, Emmanuel Macron. He handily defeated the candidate from a white nationalist part - looks like a 30-point plus trouncing.

The downside, if there is any, is Macron represents in France what we refer to here in the US as 'No Labels'. I'm not a fan.

I do not think this a harbinger of any sort, but it sure beats the alternative.

Vive la France!

Ca Va Pas Mal

For now, for the near future, I've chosen not to pursue a connection with other family members in the area. Through a series of clicks on my Google machine, I learned of the recent death of my sister in Manchester (half-sister, technically). I did not know of her existence other than some sense that my biological father had started a new family and there were children. Apparently five of them, now four, unfortunately.

There's no fear driving my choice. It just seems right. I have nephews, nieces, aunts and uncles whom I've known for decades and with whom I have trouble keeping a current relationship. If there's work to be done, it's probably right here in my back yard.

Dream Comfort

I need to design a tree fort fairly soon. Pop asked me when I was going to build it and when I told him soon, he asked, "When I am all growed up?"

Man, they learn young. He's only 3.

The Intent Of Fake News Claims

It's important to understand why Trump and friends keep hammering away about fake news. Here are a few advantages to this tactic:

1. These claims undermine media credibility, especially among Trump supporters and low-information, low-education citizens. I suppose I'm being redundant there.
2. As the media reports on the impact of Trump policy, Trump can continue his prodigious lying campaigns to create an alternate reality for his supporters. According to the WaPo Fact Checker, Trump lied 493 times in his first 100 days - this is an average of nearly 5 times per day.
3. His lies target the fears and anxieties of vulnerable citizens. The lies then enter the echo chamber of the far-right media machine where they are reinforced and taken as gospel. His supporters are worked up into a fever pitch, and nothing Trump does will impact their support of him. Thus you get candidate Trump saying he could stand on 5th Ave in NY and shoot people and not lose a single vote.

Trump has an uncanny ability to repeat outrageous conspiracy theories from illegitimate sources and then, when he's called on his lies, simply shift to a new lie. The rate at which he lies makes it impossible for fact checkers to keep up.

He is a dangerous demagogue. His lies must always be met with truth, even if we have difficulty keeping up.

Some Humans Ain't Human

So goes the title of a John Prine song that seems somehow fitting to me tonight. The passage of the ACHA, the replacement bill for the ACA, in the US House is haunting me. Republicans don't give a shit about people.

Prior to passage of the Affordable Care Act, 45,000 people died each year as a result of limited access to health care. These were people who were uninsured or perhaps not insurable under previous regulations that allowed insurers to charge exorbitant rates for pre-existing conditions. The ACA has now provided insurance to approximately 25% of those who were previously uninsured or uninsurable. The ACA is costing less than expected and is also effectively lowering health care costs.

Republicans passed this bill in less than a week. It had no public hearing. Debate was limited to 3 hours. The one amendment they allowed did nothing for pre-existing conditions except provide talking points for Reps who will be ducking for cover during recess town hall meetings. According to the Congressional Budget Office, this bill will remove 24 million Americans from health insurance and put millions more with pre-existing conditions in peril. It's a shameful catastrophe.

Almost unimaginably, the bill slashes Medicaid to the tune of $800 billion and stuffs those Benjamins into the pockets of the 1% through related tax breaks.

In a healthy democracy, there would be outrage from elected officials from both parties. The media would be reporting on the devastating impact on poor families, women and children. Instead, we have the game-show president tweeting about fake news and CNN hand-wringing about Democrats jeering Republicans for passing the bill.

In a healthy democracy, any elected official who voted for such a monstrosity would face certain defeat at the ballot box. Instead, congressional districts are so gerrymandered to make elections a mere formality. Democrats won 47% of votes cast in congressional districts and won only 44% of the seats.

What the electorate has taught the Republicans is, politically, there are no repercussions. Don't hold a vote for Obama's Supreme Court nominee. No problem - we'll send you back. Grab women by the genitals. No problem, Mr. President. Pull health insurance away from 24 million Americans - we'll see but I'm not hopeful.

These are dark days.

Abi Will Know

My daughter called me today. She wanted some feedback on a challenge her family faced. Her son, who is 3, does not enjoy the one afternoon he spends each week with a babysitter. In fact, he cries, complains and causes general mayhem on the days when he is supposed to go.

Digging deeper, he has shared with my daughter that the four year-old son of the sitter is mean to him. Takes toys away, pushes and plays a little rough. This is all normal behavior, I'm sure, and my grandson is no angel - I've seen him in action with my granddaughter, his older sister. But it's real to him and is causing him serious distress. When your vessel is full, your vessel is full.

He and my daughter were talking about it this morning, and my daughter told him, "I just don't know what to do, Pop." using his nickname. He looked up at her and said, "Abi will know." Thus the call from my daughter.

Using my best coaching skills ("What's your heart telling you?"), I listened as my daughter worked herself through the challenge. She solved it.

Then, Pop and I had a great conversation about toy trucks.

Abi does know.

In Spite of Ourselves

The Affordable Care Act was not my preference for health insurance in the US. I support universal health insurance as delivered by every other first-world country on the planet. When I realized that universal health was not going to happen in 2009, I supported a robust public option as part of the exchanges on the ACA. When that was taken off the table, I supported lowering the qualifying age for Medicare to 55. Thanks to Joe Lieberman, that crashed too.

When all was said and done, and as a realist, I became a full supporter of the ACA. I worked to implement it in NH and became a Certified Application Counselor, providing application assistance to those who needed it. Through my employer, we funded and staffed enrollment fairs when NH Republicans effectively blocked early fed dollars designed to implement the health plan.

I did this understanding it was not what I wanted. It was the right thing to do and I'm so very proud of all the work and take great joy in the lives we helped. We brought access to health care to 24 million Americans who had not had it.

These were not just anonymous lives, either. I have a very close family member who has greatly benefited from the ACA. He now has access to quality medical care and has the treatment he needs for several issues. The ACA has saved lives - I know this from first-hand experience.

Through a series of unfortunate electoral events, we are now facing a Republican majority in the US Congress and a Republican president dedicated to repealing the ACA. The primary reason for the repeal is to create a bundle of money to give tax breaks to the 1%.

I don't know what's going to happen. Honestly. I know that my family member will be at risk without a public policy supporting affordable health care. He's just one of 24 million.

The survival of democracy is not preordained.

Both Sides, etc

I'm not a 'pox upon both houses' person. In my mind, there is clearly one party better than the other for working class families. The degree of how much better remains an open question that deserves scrutiny - none of which you'll read here.

Suffice to say Democrats have cooled to labor beginning 50 some odd years ago - perhaps even further if you count the Dixie-Dems who voted with Republicans to override Truman's veto of Taft-Hartley. As has been well documented elsewhere, Democrats have been feeding at the corporate cash trough since the 80s, and moving center-right as a party. Center-right doesn't produce public policy in support of working people.

The result of which is we have a country full of angry citizens not making it. Debt-ridden and lining up to fill out job apps at Walmart and food stamp apps at HHS. Our elections are no longer about policy choices - no one believes the bs anymore. More and more, our elections are being decided by which party more effectively taps into the frustrations and resentments of the working class. For now, the distinction belongs solely to Republicans and what amounts to a state-run propaganda wing, Fox News.

I don't blame the Republicans. They saw a market inefficiency and exploited it. The inefficiency has been created by the party of FDR by moving so far to the right that many have lost faith in the system. Corporate capitalism (the worst brand of capitalism) has taken over our democracy by purchasing public policy from both sides all the while manufacturing consent from the people through brilliant PR strategies.

Both sides may not be equal in their disdain for working people, but neither party is truly working for us either.

It Was 50 Years Ago Today

Or pretty close to it, when Sgt. Pepper taught the band to play.

Hard to believe that the Lonely Hearts Club Band album is half a century old. To commemorate, the music is being remixed and re-released with 34 previously unreleased recordings. Sounds like a long weekend or two to me.

My sister was more of a fan at the time than I was. She was older and of the age that made her susceptible to the Beatles magic. Whatever it was that made the girls go crazy. The Beatles began to make an impression on me after the breakup - I was a huge fan of McCartney and Wings and each of the Beatles' 'solo' music in their own rights. I always felt a bit jobbed because I was too young to appreciate their music when they were together (I was 8 or 9 when they split) and, like almost every inhabitant of the world not named McCartney, Lennon, Harrison or Starr, I daydreamed of a reunion that never happened.

Maybe this is as close as we get. Remix an iconic classic, add some nostalgic conversation and unreleased studio tape and trip out.

The Union Burying Ground

So it looks like union busting will be on the agenda at the NLRB in the near future. Even as I write this it makes no sense, but there you have it. There are two open seats on the board and a union busting attorney is on the short list. According to the Politico article, it would be a first.

The candidate will need a leave of absence from his full time job of de-certifying 27,000 unionized home health care workers in Minnesota to move into the NLRB job. Or maybe not. Conflicts of interest don't exist for this administration.

Tom Perez is right. Republicans don't give a shit about workers.

Waiting For My Real Life To Begin

I saw Colin in Concord last year. With little fanfare, extraordinary wit and music embedded in his redemptive story, he was a joy to experience. 

Catch him if you can.

Sunday Mourning

I used my GoogleMachine to see what the intertubes know about me yesterday. It turns out that I have half-brothers and sisters, one of whom passed away recently.

I'll offer another post on context, but for now, know that by his choice, my biological father abandoned our family when I was two or three years old. He began a new life with a new wife and new children and never looked back as far as I know. I say this with no judgement and very little understanding on how or why such choice are made. But made they are - I'm certain I'm not the only child abandoned by a man in this country - and life goes on.

Flash forward 57 years. My GoogleMachine tells me that Andrea Cicirelli died earlier this year after a 10-year battle with breast cancer. She is survived by her wife and two young children, along with 5 siblings and her parents. A celebration of her life occurred on March 18.

Andrea's obituary tells the story of a strong, courageous and loving person. While I never knew her, somehow this does not surprise me. The picture of Andrea bears striking resemblance to one of my brothers - they could be twins, separated by 15 years. Her surviving children are the ages of my grandchildren.

My heart is full of something of which I cannot yet describe. Sadness for Andrea's immediate family. A sense of loss for my own immediate family. Questions and puzzlement surrounding choices made and promises not kept from decades ago have me wondering if some mysteries are never to be solved.

Yet coincidences abound and must be explored. Many of Andrea's (and I suspect mine) siblings live locally. Her immediate family is in Manchester. The celebration of her life occurred on my birthday - how does that happen?

I am unsure of what to do, so I'll do nothing. At least today. I will contemplate and meditate on this, looking for a path forward that honors my values. I do not want to hurt anyone, especially a young family grieving the loss of someone so special.

Here I am. Guide me.

It Feels Different When You're 5 Years Old

My 5-year old granddaughter told me today she had a loose tooth and could barely wait to lose it!

The cycles of life are simultaneously amusing, ironic and depressing.

Friendship, part trois. The Finale.

One of my imperfections, according to one of my brothers who is quick to remind me, is my ability to take mundane topics and turn them into matters of life and death. I worry that I am doing that with this topic, although I feel I have a bit more to say. So here goes.

Having re-read the previous posts, it appears I have a very cavalier attitude toward friendship. What is more accurate to say is, I have an ambiguous attitude with the word friendship. I have no idea what it really means, to be honest, or what types of relationships it describes, other than in general terms. What is friendship? I don't know, and, quite frankly, probably don't care to know. Does it matter?

I have relationships that some would characterize as friendships. For me, as I age, all relationships seem to satisfy a certain set of criteria:

• Does conversation come easily? Is it awkward to share thoughts and feelings or does it flow?
• Is it reliable? Am I able to offer myself to another person, and vice versa, in easily accessible ways? Is there a desire to be dependable?
• Is our time together enjoyable? Whether we sit at a cafe, take a walk or talk on the phone, are we able to have a good time and share a few laughs?
• Finally, and because relationships are hard work, is there a sense of 'missing' when the relationship is dormant? Is it difficult to rekindle or keep lit, for either of us?

I suppose there's more and I acknowledge to be limited by my lack of expertise on the subject. Both intellectually and with real-life experience. I have had many friends in my life, people with whom I have either entered into their universe or they mine, or perhaps there was a brief union of universes. These friendships of convenience served a deeper purpose, no doubt, but the foundation was built on the very principles that would later undermine the relationship. They were no longer convenient. We no longer worked together. Our kids weren't in band together. You moved and found another church closer to your new home.

I also have legacy friendships. People with whom, as I look back on my formative years, I was closer with than my own family. How could I have shared such intense, personal experiences with people I barely would recognize today? 

My wife has great friendships forged by a relentless desire to not lose touch, to not let go of those common and shared experiences. She regularly gathers with friends from high school for a glass of wine and reminiscing. Her best friend is a woman she met when our son began Tiger Cubs with her son, nearly 30 years ago. This friendship of convenience grew roots and now blossoms. 

I do not think I have the capacity for sustaining friendships that my wife has. Instead, I think I have reached a point where I'm ready to add a new criteria for relationships in my life. 

• Does the relationship recognize, acknowledge and appreciate the limitations we all have as people? Are we willing to accept each other, as flawed beings, with few expectations?

 That is all.

 

On Friendship, part deux

Ford's essay (see the previous post) has me thinking about friendships made, lost and never to be. This is a never to be story.

Many years ago, I had a great job at a factory in Newington, NH. It was a union job with great benefits and pay. It was a job that allowed me to be the sole financial provider for our family and my wife to be home with our two babies. This did not happen without sacrifice as I often worked 12 hour shifts, six days per week, and my family time was not ideal.

We lived in a quiet neighborhood, neighbors close by on either side. Lovely, friendly people, with whom I often exchanged brief greetings and at least waves as we drove by each other. For the most part, and with little effort, I avoided the neighborhood walks and talks and minded my own business.

I should also relay how much I enjoyed playing basketball. I frequently carved out a few hours a week to play at the local gym, though never in an organized adult league. My family was (still is) my life and I had a good sense of where I needed to allocate the rarest of my commodities, time.

My wife, being the thoughtful person she is, gifted me a basketball hoop to install in our driveway. It was terrific - I could burn off some energy playing a sport I loved without leaving the home. The hoop brought me joy without the burden of not 'being around'.

One day, coming home from a long overnight shift, I saw one of my neighbors shooting baskets in my driveway. "Hmm...what is this," I thought, "that's my driveway and my hoop." I parked on the side of the road. My neighbor (let's call him Bob), grabbed the ball and began a conversation with me. It went something like:

Bob: "hey Joe, I hope you don't mind that I was shooting some baskets."

Me: "No - sure, that's fine. As long as the kids aren't trying to sleep."

Bob: "Great. Hey, I was thinking, what do you think about getting together a couple of times a week and shooting some hoops? You know, we could hang out and be friends?"

I'm pausing the conversation here because I'm having second thoughts about telling you the rest of the story. There are some people who would read this and not believe it. My brothers would tell you I'm being far too kind to myself. In any event, let me ask you to refrain from judgement and simply read and observe. Continuing:

Me: "Look, Bob, you're a nice enough guy. I like you and your family. But I work 60 hours a week and have two babies and a wife I don't see enough. I don't have room in my life for a new friendship. But feel free to use the hoop when I'm not around."

With that, I turned and walked into the house, greeted by two toddlers running and jumping into my arms. I never saw Bob in my yard again and our neighborly niceties disappeared. Not on my part, dear reader, but I think Bob was pretty well put off by my response and thought me pretty much an asshole from that point forward. 

All these years later, as I retell this story, I see that Bob was right. I was an asshole neighbor. But I was right too. I was a great dad and at least a mediocre husband (like wine, I've improved in the husband role over the years) and had no time to be a great neighbor or friend. I was perfectly willing to be an average or even slightly below average neighbor. 

Sometimes, for some people, that's not good enough.

Can't We All Just Get Along?

Richard Ford has an excellent essay in the Guardian this morning. It's called Who Needs Friends?

My experiences with friendship are quite different from Ford's, but so many of his observations resonate soundly with me. Is life complete without a 'best friend'? Ford examines this question and so much more in the essay.

I generally like the world and its inhabitants. I am quick to lend a hand, offer a shoulder to cry on (for a few moments, anyway), laugh at stupid jokes (especially my own) and acknowledge the existence of other real people trying to get from one point to another on this planet we share. All the while understanding that, in 100 years, all new people.

There is an inconsistency with friendship in that it takes work when it shouldn't. My friendships require work, I think, because, like Ford, I am slow to reveal myself to others. As an astute observer of other people (just ask me) the friendships that appeal to me are the ones where an indeterminate amount of time can go by without contact or conversation and the friends can pick up right where they left off. Like it was yesterday. I do not often see this and more often see long friendships written off because of an un-returned call or email. Please, people, get a hold of your runaway egos.

I agree with Ford that trust is not all that it's cracked up to be. Society places great emphasis on trust, and having it be said that you are not trusted is weaponized verbal assault - untrustworthy people are akin to emotional lepers. Considering it carefully, should we ever really trust anyone but ourselves to act in our own best interest? Should we be surprised when they don't? I think not. And thinking not saves me a lot of frustration. So the choice to trust or not is rooted in our ability to accept or not accept the human condition of self-interest in its various forms.

Don't misunderstand. I like people. I hope people find some of my characteristics tolerable and can enjoy my company for bursts of time. But I am quite content being a friend to myself, offering what is possible to offer to others and being a good neighbor and fellow citizen, while not expecting too much in return.

Friendship is overrated. Or it's not. You decide.

Namaste

Interesting article in The NY Times this morning about reversing negative thinking. The story makes connections between negative thinking and long-term ill health effects, and the opposite.

My default is to be positive - finding joy where and when I can. I don't know how the population breaks down on this, but in my little world I'm guessing 50/50 at best. For me, it's challenging, at best, and impossible, at worst, to be barraged by a person focused on the negative. Almost like a magnetic polar opposite, I can feel my body physically rejecting the negative vibes.

As my meditation practice has deepened and I've built defenses to negativity, it feels like negative people try harder to penetrate these defenses. Most recently, I've responded with direct conversation about my personal observation of the exchange. I try to be non-judgemental, simply pointing out the many positive things being overlooked by the person with the negative experience. This said, and generally speaking, the result has often been little more than a further rationalization of why the negative impressions are accurate.

I'm not a foolishly positive person, and I'm sure my family could point to many instances of negative imperfections. But the key learning for me has been that worry and negativity rob us of our capacity for joy. Joy is a treasure that must not be easily surrendered. Protect it. Learn the martial arts of the mind that help you develop a sanctuary from the daily barrage of interpersonal negativity and spoon-fed emotions from mass media.

Put the paper down. Turn off the tee vee. Go do something nice for someone. Do something extraordinary for yourself.

Hernandez

The story of Aaron Hernandez is a modern-day tragedy, complete with three acts. I have not followed this story with any focus and admit to headline scanning for most of my information. That does nothing to influence my observation that there are only victims in this story. Plenty of them.

Stuff is messed up in our country. 

Politics and Organized Labor

Erik Loomis has an excellent essay in Boston Review on the barely tenable relationship between labor and the Democratict party. Loomis points to labor's failure to organize outside of the northeast and industrial mid-west as leading contributors to loss of political support from democrats. I see the positive link here and also recognize how daunting that task really was.

At no point in labor's storied history have workers been truly successful without supportive government policy. These supportive policies often came at great sacrifice to working families - tens of thousands of whom beaten or killed. US policy has shifted with labor's ability to shift public opinion - mostly through the public relations damage done by wealthy industrialists in their attempts to thwart organizing efforts through every means possible.

Once the wealthy elite realized they could not win with only clubs and guns, the strategy shifted. Mostly gone was the violence (but not completely) replaced by a sophisticated PR plan of their own. The Natioanal Manufacturers Association rolled out the Mohawk Valley Formula in 1938, and industry never looked back. Ten years later, by following this script and using people like Vance Muse and his Christian Americans Association, anti-union forces passed Taft-Hartley. This was the beginning of the end for organized labor and has more to do with the unorganized south than any other factor.

Surely there were lost opportunities in the south for labor pre-Taft-Hartley, but these were fleeting moments. By restricting the rights of organized labor, the US Congress gave employers all the tools they needed to slow, stop and then reverse the growth of labor unions in our country.

The trend is clear and the inevitable seems at least probable. Although being a realist means acknowledging that the probable does not always happen.

Ripples

I attended the ROC NH leadership graduation last night. ROC stands for Resident-Owned Community and it is a program of the NH Community Loan Fund. The purpose of the leadership program is to help people who live in manufactured housing cooperatives develop the skills needed to lead a multi-million dollar corporation.

While the demographics of the residents of cooperatives can be diverse, the threads woven through the communities tend to be older, less formally educated and mostly blue-collar families. These are not pejorative terms - simply my personal observations after 5 years of attending these and other Loan Fund events. Also adding that the residents and graduates I've met during the events are nothing short of strong, smart, caring and hard-working.

That's what makes this program so important. Residents with little or no prior experience in running a business are suddenly thrust into the management of a multi-million dollar co-op. Without adequate education and guidance there is no way the residents can be successful. Heck, even with the best of training it's a formidable task.

The program participants learn about running meetings and creative problem solving. They learn how to depend on each other and to build trust when perhaps none exists. By the time they graduate from the six-month long program, they have a solid foundation for conflict resolution, public speaking and creating and reading financial statements. And remember, some of these people have never balanced a checkbook. It's amazing.

Last night I sat with one of the graduates during the program. He shared with me that finding his voice was the single-best result of the experience for him. He said he always felt like he had something to say and never knew how to contribute - the training and experience of the leadership program gave him a confidence to participate that now shows up in every part of his life. He has received a promotion at work and his wife (who was there) was raving about how their communication has improved. Ripples.

There are more than 7,000 families who benefit from ROCs in NH. Each year, ROC NH puts 20 of our neighbors and fellow citizens through an educational program (worth 4 college credits!) that teaches these life-affirming and productive skills. They transform lives and send ripples throughout our state. These graduates become leaders within their communities and help self-govern the co-op, non-profit corporations that provide safe and affordable housing to their neighbors and friends.

I am in a happy state of awe at what the NH Community Loan Fund is able to accomplish through their ROC NH program.

The Competition

My most difficult challenges are when I find myself stretching one value to meet another. There are always gaps and compromises between personal values - this isn't a judgement, just an objective snapshot of value reality. There are few Budhas and Jesus's walking among us today.

Generally speaking, there is little at risk during most competing value struggles. For example, I want to lose weight but don't exercise in order to create more time to spend with family. It's a minor value struggle that pits the value of a healthy life style against the value of family.

Sometimes the struggle can become deeply personal and occasionally the stakes are much higher. An example of this is sacrificing family time to devote enough time to a demanding job. We have the value of family competing with a work ethic value. This is a major struggle that impacts many people often to the point where we are not honoring either value very well. We sacrifice family time and employment effort - neither gets the attention it deserves. When my children were young, these choices were the worst.

These are constant struggles. Good people trying to 'right thing' themselves from one part of the day to the next. There are no clear paths through all this, just an inner sense of what you think is right and which value means more to you. You tend to do the thing you believe to be more important.

It's really not so much of a balance as it is a teeter-totter. One minute you up, the next your down. And man, look out if someone jumps off their end while you're up.

Bias

One day, a ferocious lion woke up angry. He was bitter, resentful and needed to prove himself to others. As he stalked through the forest, he spied a fox. Roaring up to the fox, the lion asked through gnarled teeth, "Fox, who is the strongest and most feared animal in the forest?"  Shaking in fear, the fox managed to answer, "Why, why, yoooouuu are, Mr. Lion. Surely you are."  With a glare that could peel bark off a tree, and feeling a bit more confident, the lion slowly walked away.

A little deeper in the forest, the lion crossed paths with a rhino.  Once again roaring ferociously, the lion cornered the frightened rhino. "Rhino,", the lion demanded, "who is the strongest and most feared animal in the forest?" The rhino, struggling to get the words out through chattering teeth, whispered, "Why you are Mr. lion. You are."  The lion glared contemptuously at the rhino, and without lifting his gaze, stalked slowly away.

Feeling even better about himself, the lion soon stumbled upon an elephant sunbathing itself in a small clearing. Intending to strike deep fear into the elephant, the lion summoned his most fearsome roar and pounced forward. "Elephant," the lion roared, "who is the strongest and most feared animal in the forest?" In one swift move, the elephant curled the lion in its trunk and slammed him to the ground, from one side to the other. After a few minutes of this, the elephant threw the lion up against a tree. As the lion lay stunned, not understanding what was happening, the elephant raised up its leg, stomped on the lion and walked away most disinterestedly.

The lion, dazed and confused by this sudden turn of events finally figured it out and called after the elephant,"You didn't have to get so mad just because you didn't know the answer!"

Why I'm A UU

I wrote this in 2011, but it remains true. I'm no longer a member at the Nottingham church but have felt right at home at the Concord UU church.

I'm a UU because I like being offended. I enjoy the learning experience that comes from sermons that strike nerves with me, fellow members who have very different answers and questions than I do, and folks who know little about UU who think they have it all figured out.

I get a kick out of holding the complex and somewhat contradictory concept of being intolerant of intolerance. You know you're a UU at heart when you understand that. And I love being able to be myself here...and to be accepted and loved for that.

I'd like to tell you that I had a long and arduous road to get to our church. I'd like to say that the UU church came to me after a spiritual awakening. I'd like to say that I'm a religious refugee struggling for answers. But I can't say any of those things. Although I was born to an Irish/Italian Catholic family, we were not very pious and only occasionally attended Mass. My wife and I had a civil marriage, and although we later had our vows blessed in the Catholic Church, we were intermittent worshipers. By the way, an intermittent worshiper is not much different from an intermittent wiper, where you can never get the intermittance to align just right with the need.

Looking back, it seems likely that we never felt like we belonged to the various churches that we attended. Nothing really fit. The truth is that we weren't looking for answers because we didn't know what the questions were. I heard many wonderful messages during the years from many excellent priests and pastors. But they were all too certain for what I've always felt was an uncertain world.

This reminds me of something Somerset Maugham once wrote:

"Sometimes, people hit upon a place to which they mysteriously feel that they belong. Here is the home they sought, and they will settle amid scenes that they have never seen before, among people they have never known, as though they were familiar to them from their birth. Here, at last, do they find rest."

And then I stumbled into a UU church. And you really do have to stumble into one because there's almost no such thing as an evangelical UU. And I knew that I had "hit upon a place to which" I "mysteriously felt that I belonged." And it felt right. Everyone struggling to find answers and questions were welcomed. There is no dogma, but faith overflows. A church where you'll find no Saints and plenty of humans.

The Nottingham UU church was also a serendipitous finding. Kelli and I had belonged to the Concord UU church, but, you know, for pragmatic UU members, driving 45 minutes during snow storms to attend church was not reasonable. Heck, driving 45 minutes in nice weather to attend church was not reasonable.

Then we saw a flyer for an event at the Nottingham church. We came to the event and then to a service. Again, I felt like I belonged and welcomed. And what a wonderful group of people to belong with. And this is very powerful, because religion is far too big a job for any one person. It takes a team and we use that teamwork to amplify our voices in song and in our efforts to make our community a more just place for all people. The great systems thinker, Peter Senge once wrote of this experience:

"When you ask people about what it is like being part of a great team, what is most striking is the meaningfulness of the experience. People talk about being part of something larger than themselves, of being connected, of being generative. It become quite clear that, for many, their experiences as part of truly great teams stand out as singular periods of life lived to the fullest. Some spend the rest of their lives looking for ways to recapture that spirit."

That's what keeps me coming back. This sense of being connected and generative and weaving a common fabric of life. I hope to never let this collective spirit escape me so that I don't have to search for it again.

What's For Dinner?

After watching the news, a grandson turned to his grandfather and asked why there was so much hate and trouble in the world. The grandfather thought for a moment and then began to share a story of two wolves.

"These two wolves," the grandfather explained, "hated each other. They were always fighting, clawing and attacking each other. They could never get along."

"Why?" The grandson asked. "Why didn't they stay away from each other?"

The grandfather went on, "Well, they couldn't. One of the wolves represented evil. He was bitter, angry and full of hatred. The other wolf represented all that is good in the world. He was full of love and compassion. He defended himself when attacked but never sought to hurt the first wolf."

The grandson was troubled. "Which wolf wins such a battle?"

The grandfather paused only a moment and replied, "The one you feed - the one you feed."

I Love You.

You all know who you are.

I Want To Be Like Warren Haynes

Not because of his musical genius and contributions, which are prodigious. Because of the person he is.

It's Going To Be Beautiful

It's difficult to read the news these days. Chemical weapons, missile strikes, upheaval at the NSA, Russians using Facebook to influence the democratic elections of the most powerful country on the planet...the list really could go on. Chaos and mayhem abound.

Our president is ill-equipped to deal with these situations. He is not versed in history or cultural affairs. The president surrounds himself with sycophants and family loyalists, none of whom are qualified for the very serious business of running our great democracy. The president is not temperamentally fit to be president.

These are not simply the opinions of a country bumpkin blogger in New Hampshire. Learned and wise leaders from a broad spectrum of political ideology are coming to grips with the seriousness of this situation.

As a businessman, the president made a career of destructive disruption to business process to leverage financial leverage. He is no Carl Icahn, but the president's piggy bank is full of nickels. Running a country is different - especially today where economic, climate and political instability have us teetering toward calamity on all fronts. What's needed is steady, wise and collaborative leadership moving us away from hyper-partisanship and into an age of empathy and cooperation.

Instead, we're stuck with Orwellian euphemisms and golf course diplomacy. This is serious business. We deserve way more than we're getting.

It's not beautiful.

The Power Of Convening

There is a strong desire to gather in groups to have meaningful conversation. There is so much value in bringing people together to talk about issues that are important to them. Value in sharing and inspiring and also value in learning about people.

The organization that I work with is beginning to move in this direction. Towards convening and empowering, sharing and listening and toward progress. At a recent meeting with nearly 40 in attendance, many of the participants stayed well beyond the end of the meeting to engage in more conversation. It's a sign that the participants found the experience to be meaningful and wanted to continue some of the conversations and exchange of information and ideas.

This is the cutting edge of 10,000 year old technology. Bringing people together to solve the real challenges we face and not hiding behind the anonymity of social media. Once we discover what binds us together, our differences matter less. It is the discovery of shared values that overcomes the minor differences that are used as wedges to keep us at odds with each other.

Convene.

There Are No Coincidences

What a coincidence.

We went on a walk yesterday afternoon to enjoy the nearly 50 degree temps on April 2. Granted, this is a little cooler than normal, but in comparison to the Nor'easter delivered on April 1, it was downright balmy and more than welcome.

Our walk was delayed by 30 minutes or so by various circumstances that popped up. A phone call, a conversation, a change of walking clothes - it doesn't take much to alter the logistics of any human endeavor. Even something as simple as a walk when it involves more than one person.

We began our walk not knowing which direction to take. The previous day's storm had delivered 12" of snow and, given the expected warmer temperatures coming, the city chose not to clear the sidewalks. We chose to walk in the road although traffic was unusually heavy for a Sunday afternoon in Concord.

We decided to move from the main road we were on to one of the side streets. We wove our way in and out of a neighborhood and its cross streets to emerge at an intersection with Warren Street where the sidewalks were somewhat cleared.

As we walked up the short hill, we saw someone walking towards us. It was a man, also choosing to walk in the street because of the messy sidewalk situation. As we neared each other, there was a familiarity that was trying to gain entry into my consciousness. It was one of those rare events that your mind has difficulty understanding and recognizing because of how rare the circumstance is.

When we were 15 or 20 feet apart, it dawned on us and our good friend, Bob Perry, what was happening. We had stumbled upon each other in the oddest of circumstances in the middle of Concord, NH. To help understand how unusual this is, know that Bob lives in Strafford, NH, a full 30 miles from Concord. Bob had come to Concord on this Sunday, April 2, because he had a meeting at Concord High School that had been postponed from the day before. He had parked on a side road, off of Warren St., adjacent to the school, but not being familiar with Concord, was swept onto Pleasant Street (which runs parallel) and was turned around looking for his car.

So that's how we found each other, a half mile from his car, down on Warren Street. It was a wonderful happenstance and I was overjoyed to see him. We decided to walk together to find his car and had a lovely visit catching up and promising, of course, to do better at staying in touch.

Walking away from this serendipitous occurrence, I couldn't help but feel the power of the universe in putting people in your life at the right moment for what you need. This was not a coincidence. The universe was sending us a message that needs to be slightly de-coded.

No Lamb In March

The old adage for March goes something like; "In like a lion, out like a lamb, or in like a lamb, out like a lion."

There was no lamb in March. It began cold and raw and essentially remained in that state for the duration. February was warmer. To add insult to injury, March spat a Nor'easter at us that delivered 12" of heavy, wet snow on April 1. How's that for an April Fools delivery?

I've always considered March to be the cruelest month. Not just this year, but nearly every year. Sure, March delivers spring to us, technically falling on March 20 or 21. The reality is that March is where winter hangs on by its fingernails, digging its claws into our psyche, keeping our optimism for hope springs eternal at frozen bay.

Cheers to March being done and moving, if slowly, into the realm of new life and blooms. I'm eager to hear happy birds, finding food aplenty in the yard and nourishing their offspring. Watching parents and children gather at baseball and softball fields to watch their kids play games that will soon slip from memory with people who will not.

There are no guarantees. The planet forms and transforms, absorbing, adapting and presenting itself. There are lessons here for the inhabitants.

3 Keys To Happiness

Bo Lozoff wrote that there are three messages woven through all of the spiritual wisdoms that would help lead to happiness.

The first is to be cautious of materialism. Be careful of what you want and live a simple life. We've all seen the trappings of consumerism. Christmas shoppers being mauled during Black Friday like the running of the bulls. Shoppers leaving box stores and loading up trucks and SUVs with gigantic purchases, and our landfills overflowing with those same purchases a short time later.

For me, living a simple life means reducing those moments. We all make compromises in life, but I have tried to make a stand during holidays to not engage in exchanging gifts. I insist on nothing but warm wishes for birthdays and try to consume only what I need. This also means gifting older items to those in need or recycling to help preserve resources.

The second message is to dedicate yourself to something you truly believe in. Find a cause, a practice or a movement you think is beautiful and important and devote the time, energy and resources to engage in it deeply. I am searching for this - I am back at church and engaging in community there. I am also exploring options with NH Listens. I am ready to energize myself with a devotion to something beautiful.

The third message is to establish a spiritual practice and commit to it on a daily basis. Being still and listening. Seeking answers from within. My practice is a combination of writing, music, exercise and meditation. The meditation is the most important. I spend 30 minutes a day in quiet meditation looking for guidance from within.

How am I doing? How is my practice going? I think I'm nibbling at the edges on the verge of a breakthrough. I am moving to 60 minutes of meditation a day by using a scheduling system. Not rote practice, but a way to structure my time to ensure that I invest in what I truly want first, and then let the spontaneous emerge while my state of mind is more healthy.

This is my plan for April. Become more structured with my approach, but leave lots of room for experimentation in the practice and emergence of new thinking.

It Takes Practice

I get the sense that most folks are like me. Mostly sleepwalking through life, riding the waves of the universe and reacting to 'what's next.' Late in life I've discovered that to get what you want, you need to know what it is you want and plan to get it. Not specific detailed plans, although those would help, but more dedicating the time, energy and resources that move you in the general direction of what you truly want.

When I leave things to chance, I become distracted. It's too easy to spend time on the Google Machine, or lost in random thought. My shift has been to journal, schedule and document. Creating specific time to devote to the things that bring me joy. Writing, playing the guitar, exercise, reading and meditating to name the primaries.

What that does is allow what's important to me to emerge. Sometimes it is in something I'm writing, or in a piece of music I'm playing. Other times I finish an exercise regimen or a meditation session and I see something new and exciting; new patterns emerge for me - new ways of thinking.

That's the critical part to get over as a person. You are not chiseled in marble and are not committed to the person you were yesterday. You can change. You have the power. It takes more than technique, however.  You must change fundamentally and build and sustain new practices that provide a foundation for the person you wish to become. Without the structural support, you move back and forth in your behavior like a rubber band, always coming back to the old you because it's what you know, what you are comfortable with.

This shift is not impossible and anyone can engage it. It requires nothing more than building a spiritual practice into your life that takes only a few moments a day. A time to be silent and still; to listen and to be guided. As you build this, you begin to see the whole more clearly. Your choices become more centered as your values emerge to guide you.

You also see the suffering around you more clearly. The gap between our true values and what we choose to do each day cause us emotional distress. Aligning our values, choices and behaviors is simple but not easy. 

It takes practice.

Let Your Love Shine

I don't want you to change, but nothing ever stays the same.

Practice Makes Perfect

My practice is helping. Me and others. It's a cornucopia of activities and includes exercise, meditation, playing the guitar and learning. Each provides a slice of what my life needs in this moment.

Exercise is keeping me healthy - mind and body. Walking, push ups, pull ups and some weights. Many times I'm able to combine learning with my exercise by listening to podcasts and have grown very fond of Seth Godin. He's a remarkable person and I'll write a post about him in the near future.

My meditation practice keeps me sane. To be able to quiet my mind when I'm faced with systematic antagonism in my work is critical to my survival. I would like to increase my time to 60 minutes a day, from 30 minutes.

The guitar playing is not as consistent as I would like it to be. There's no way to master anything without consistent practice. It is every bit as peaceful as meditating and can bring solace to any day. I often daydream about playing well with other good musicians.

I am a life-long learner. I can't help it. 75% of the books I read are non-fiction. I listen to podcasts, TED Talks and books. Growth is an essential part of life. Without it, your soul withers and you lose a sense of purpose. I get much of that growth by learning and stepping into the uncertainty. This might work. This might not work.

All of these things add up to a better self for me.

I'm practicing for life.

What's Next?

Billions of us have more information and connectivity at our fingertips today than any human who came before us. The tools and resources available on the Google machines are mind bending. We can know anything at any time and connect with other humans across the planet. The technology is developing at an incredible pace.

But does it connect us in meaningful ways? Are we able to connect and build on values, create narratives that bind us together in this virtual world? I don't think so. I believe these tools and resources are incredible supplements to living in this fast-paced world, perhaps even driving the pace. As such, they are indispensable.  As substitutes for interpersonal, face-to-face human interaction, they are dangerous.

The challenge becomes the absence of personal connection. Civil dialogue in the US has always been issue dependent, with certain hot-button emotional issues creating conflict. We've had our share of canings and duels, but these really have been the exception and not the rule. Along comes the internet, adding layers of anonymity and creating cesspools of attack conversations.

Interestingly, to me, anyway, is that this type of conversation has been migrating to face-to-face interactions. People are feeling emboldened to be aggressive. Shoot first, ask questions later. There is a distinct lack of curiosity in many of our public meetings. Motives and intent are assigned in even the most innocent of circumstances. Good people are being chased from public service and only time will tell if the replacements are up to the task of compromise and leadership.

It seems that the pendulum is swinging away from the civil deliberation movement and more toward the authoritarian, tell us what to do model. Is there a tipping point where we all say ENOUGH?

I want to believe there is a yearning for something deeper. A more meaningful connection to others. It's what I want in my life. But this is my worldview, built on my experiences, trials and tribulations. Are people willing to convene and deliberate? Is there room in the conversation for disagreement and  understanding?

I think there is only one way to find out. I hope to begin building a campaign for the public good. To make sure we create a forum where people can come together and share vision for the future. The future of our communities and our families. Without shared vision, we become atomized and lonely, susceptible to demagogues and con-artists. We look for the rider on the white horse to come in and save the day.

The power is with us. We decide what's next.

Find Your Tribe

What does it take to shift your perspective? When was the last time you changed your thinking on a topic that you held to be fundamentally true?

We get wrapped up in our confirmation bias and it is difficult to move us off our position. Adding to the bias are our ingrained habits and absorbed environmental cues. And if that wasn't enough to keep us rooted in our beliefs, let's sprinkle traditions, family history and bake it in an oven of culture for a few hundred years. That should harden things up.

Facts do not change these dynamics. No amount of logic moves someone from one position to another. Our new president has folks running around talking about alternate facts. This is an interesting concept, no? X happens, you want it to be Y, so you just say Y is true. There, that was easy.

People are moved by emotion. Our fears, joys and sorrows are what guide our rational selves to create narratives. These narratives help shape our worldview, which nearly all of us believe to be 100% true, despite the reality that there are 7 billion of us on the planet, each with his or her own worldview that they think is correct.

Finding opportunities to share our stories is so important. We become connected and human through the specific details of what we are sharing. We relate. We empathize (those that are capable, anyway). We hold on to the common values that we hear in our stories and bind together.

We are a social animal. The tribe has always been crucial to our survival. Share your story. Find your tribe - get involved. Help.