Can't We All Just Get Along?

Richard Ford has an excellent essay in the Guardian this morning. It's called Who Needs Friends?

My experiences with friendship are quite different from Ford's, but so many of his observations resonate soundly with me. Is life complete without a 'best friend'? Ford examines this question and so much more in the essay.

I generally like the world and its inhabitants. I am quick to lend a hand, offer a shoulder to cry on (for a few moments, anyway), laugh at stupid jokes (especially my own) and acknowledge the existence of other real people trying to get from one point to another on this planet we share. All the while understanding that, in 100 years, all new people.

There is an inconsistency with friendship in that it takes work when it shouldn't. My friendships require work, I think, because, like Ford, I am slow to reveal myself to others. As an astute observer of other people (just ask me) the friendships that appeal to me are the ones where an indeterminate amount of time can go by without contact or conversation and the friends can pick up right where they left off. Like it was yesterday. I do not often see this and more often see long friendships written off because of an un-returned call or email. Please, people, get a hold of your runaway egos.

I agree with Ford that trust is not all that it's cracked up to be. Society places great emphasis on trust, and having it be said that you are not trusted is weaponized verbal assault - untrustworthy people are akin to emotional lepers. Considering it carefully, should we ever really trust anyone but ourselves to act in our own best interest? Should we be surprised when they don't? I think not. And thinking not saves me a lot of frustration. So the choice to trust or not is rooted in our ability to accept or not accept the human condition of self-interest in its various forms.

Don't misunderstand. I like people. I hope people find some of my characteristics tolerable and can enjoy my company for bursts of time. But I am quite content being a friend to myself, offering what is possible to offer to others and being a good neighbor and fellow citizen, while not expecting too much in return.

Friendship is overrated. Or it's not. You decide.