I'm leaving my job. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right one. There are structural impediments to being my best self here, and it shows up as a need for more organizational support for the program work and the staff. One manager for 13 staff, 3 contractors, 3 states, and a dozen partnerships.
It also shows up in validation. The program has been a revenue generator for the company since its inception. Yet every budget cycle is loaded with resentment and tension around the resources it takes to keep such a program flourishing. Rather than acknowledgment, celebration, and nourishment, the company has responded with a scarcity mentality that makes it impossible to successfully manage.
The non-profit world is a grind-it-out, grit-it-out sector. If you're not burnt out, you're doing something wrong. It took me some months to figure out that you need a combination of grit and quit. This is something Annie Duke writes about in her book Quit. There's a time to preserve your future resources. For me, that's energy, passion, and devotion to the work I'm engaged in. Quitting isn't a negative for me. It's a positive that gives me the best chance of being happy and bringing my best self to bear on whatever I do next.
Wish me luck.
