Sunday Mourning

I used my GoogleMachine to see what the intertubes know about me yesterday. It turns out that I have half-brothers and sisters, one of whom passed away recently.

I'll offer another post on context, but for now, know that by his choice, my biological father abandoned our family when I was two or three years old. He began a new life with a new wife and new children and never looked back as far as I know. I say this with no judgement and very little understanding on how or why such choice are made. But made they are - I'm certain I'm not the only child abandoned by a man in this country - and life goes on.

Flash forward 57 years. My GoogleMachine tells me that Andrea Cicirelli died earlier this year after a 10-year battle with breast cancer. She is survived by her wife and two young children, along with 5 siblings and her parents. A celebration of her life occurred on March 18.

Andrea's obituary tells the story of a strong, courageous and loving person. While I never knew her, somehow this does not surprise me. The picture of Andrea bears striking resemblance to one of my brothers - they could be twins, separated by 15 years. Her surviving children are the ages of my grandchildren.

My heart is full of something of which I cannot yet describe. Sadness for Andrea's immediate family. A sense of loss for my own immediate family. Questions and puzzlement surrounding choices made and promises not kept from decades ago have me wondering if some mysteries are never to be solved.

Yet coincidences abound and must be explored. Many of Andrea's (and I suspect mine) siblings live locally. Her immediate family is in Manchester. The celebration of her life occurred on my birthday - how does that happen?

I am unsure of what to do, so I'll do nothing. At least today. I will contemplate and meditate on this, looking for a path forward that honors my values. I do not want to hurt anyone, especially a young family grieving the loss of someone so special.

Here I am. Guide me.