Update on Work

 I quit my last job at the non-profit. It was the right decision. Honestly, I was really looking for an easy job—delivering car parts or something similar. Not diminishing those jobs at all, just compared to what I've dealt with in the past decade, it appealed to me from a "stress" perspective.

But that's not what happened.  First, let me say how awful the job-searching experience is.  Just terrible.  Very few companies even acknowledge receipt of your interest, and it's hard to tell if a job is still active. Not fun is an understatement.

This experience was a little different.  I applied to the State Department of Energy to run its Bipartisan Infrastructure Law Weatherization Assistance Program.  The state has a process of certifying your qualifications to ensure you meet the minimum and then scheduling interviews with qualified candidates.  I was invited to an interview and felt it went really well.  The BIL WAP is a short-term (five-year) federal grant program that is in every way except funding source the same as the existing Annual WAP program.  BIL only brought additional funds.

In any event, I was hired for that position and it has been a good fit.  There is only low-level stress, and working for the state limits how many hours you can work each week (37.5).  While the pay is a tad low, the benefits are really good, and I'm enjoying the mission-centered work of providing weatherization to low-income residents.  

Win-Win.

Writer's Block

 LOL.  I wish I was better at this.  Let's see if I can get a running start to build some posting muscles by the New Year.  I'll set a goal of 15 posts between now and January 1.  Here goes nothing.

And yes, I am going to count this one.

Cheers

QUIT

I'm leaving my job. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right one. There are structural impediments to being my best self here, and it shows up as a need for more organizational support for the program work and the staff. One manager for 13 staff, 3 contractors, 3 states, and a dozen partnerships. 

It also shows up in validation. The program has been a revenue generator for the company since its inception. Yet every budget cycle is loaded with resentment and tension around the resources it takes to keep such a program flourishing. Rather than acknowledgment, celebration, and nourishment, the company has responded with a scarcity mentality that makes it impossible to successfully manage.

The non-profit world is a grind-it-out, grit-it-out sector. If you're not burnt out, you're doing something wrong. It took me some months to figure out that you need a combination of grit and quit. This is something Annie Duke writes about in her book Quit. There's a time to preserve your future resources. For me, that's energy, passion, and devotion to the work I'm engaged in. Quitting isn't a negative for me. It's a positive that gives me the best chance of being happy and bringing my best self to bear on whatever I do next.

Wish me luck.

Purpose of life

 The purpose of my life is letting go of my stuff. The purpose of my life is letting go of my stuff.

Simple. Not easy. How do you know when to let it go? When it comes up. Not repress. Not stuff emotions. Actually relaxing and releasing the energy that can cause an emotional boiling point without that release. Over and over again, throughout the days and weeks - relax and release. 

Fascigarchy

 Historians will have a difficult time explaining Trumpism. So much of this time is wrapped up in the spectacle of the personality disorders of one person that, as a country, we're unable to see the forest through the trees. Trump is the Republican party. The party is using this sick, weak old man to accomplish its agenda. Without a full reckoning on this premise, we'll never be able to rid ourselves of our original sin and be prone to repeat this cycle much to soon in the future, if we're fortunate enough to have a future.

For now, the GOP has a lightning rod to absorb all the criticisms of failed public policy. What often gets left out of these discussions is how long the GOP has been working at embedding these power dynamics into our body politic. Every norm, institution and electoral practice has been bent and twisted to accommodate the GOP drive for power. There is little ideological underpinning here - it's not about governance or achieving grand policy agenda. It's about holding power and using that power to exploit the weak links in the system to get more. In few words it's about unbridled lust for power over others.

At some point in the near future, 70% of the US Senate will represent just under 30% of the US population. This has been and continues to be the only GOP agenda - permanent control of the US Senate. Then, add in the occasional electoral wins for presidency and US House, and use that power mercilessly to direct the national treasure to your benefit. 

We have Donald what'shisname to entertain us until January 20, and likely beyond. His misguided and mistaken election was a golden ticket handed to the best political strategists and tacticians money can buy. Quietly, behind the scenes, the GOP practiced non-democratic means to achieve power while their buffoon president provided the entertainment and distraction. 

It leaves me with little hope for political solutions to our most challenging crisis. The US is a two-party system with one party interested in governance (as flawed as it might be) and the other party interested only in power and the riches that power brings. Fascism and oligarchy go hand in hand. Both are alive and well in the US, if just camouflaged enough to provide cover for respectability.

My Brother

 Today is the one year anniversary of my brother's death. Steve lived a courageous life; growing up gay during a time when being gay meant being bullied and ostracized, and was much too frequently dangerous. This was also a time where there weren't any supports to speak of for kids or parents around loving acceptance. My other siblings and I knew Steve was different, but we didn't know how, or how to give him loving support.

Despite the challenges, or maybe because of them, Stephen was on a quest to find beloved community. No matter how many times the world and some of the bad inhabitants pushed him around, Steve bounced back; he was so resilient and full of love. Steve made a habit of filling the hole in his heart by freely giving others what he so desperately wanted. 

During his funeral service, so many of his friends shared their stories with our family. To them, Stephen was the life of the party; the friend who showed up when things were darkest; the friend who showed up to share joy; the advocate who worked tirelessly on marriage equality and access to health care. Stephen was so many things to so many people. 

I miss him. His memory is a blessing. I love you Steve.

It's Wintah!

There's a snow storm heading to New England late tonight into tomorrow. We're expecting 6" - 18" of powdery white stuff. This is very exciting!

I have great memories of winter snow storms. As a child, a parent and now as a grandparent. Snow is an amazing natural phenomena and the first real storm of the year is always delightful to me. An opportunity to build on my memories and be joyful.

Tomorrow will be a snow day for me. My plan is to spend as much time as I can with the gizmos, sledding and building a snow fort. We'll put on our masks and put the pandemic out of our minds as we get to the serious business of winter fun.

In this moment, life is good.