Update on Work

 I quit my last job at the non-profit. It was the right decision. Honestly, I was really looking for an easy job—delivering car parts or something similar. Not diminishing those jobs at all, just compared to what I've dealt with in the past decade, it appealed to me from a "stress" perspective.

But that's not what happened.  First, let me say how awful the job-searching experience is.  Just terrible.  Very few companies even acknowledge receipt of your interest, and it's hard to tell if a job is still active. Not fun is an understatement.

This experience was a little different.  I applied to the State Department of Energy to run its Bipartisan Infrastructure Law Weatherization Assistance Program.  The state has a process of certifying your qualifications to ensure you meet the minimum and then scheduling interviews with qualified candidates.  I was invited to an interview and felt it went really well.  The BIL WAP is a short-term (five-year) federal grant program that is in every way except funding source the same as the existing Annual WAP program.  BIL only brought additional funds.

In any event, I was hired for that position and it has been a good fit.  There is only low-level stress, and working for the state limits how many hours you can work each week (37.5).  While the pay is a tad low, the benefits are really good, and I'm enjoying the mission-centered work of providing weatherization to low-income residents.  

Win-Win.

Writer's Block

 LOL.  I wish I was better at this.  Let's see if I can get a running start to build some posting muscles by the New Year.  I'll set a goal of 15 posts between now and January 1.  Here goes nothing.

And yes, I am going to count this one.

Cheers

QUIT

I'm leaving my job. It wasn't an easy decision, but it was the right one. There are structural impediments to being my best self here, and it shows up as a need for more organizational support for the program work and the staff. One manager for 13 staff, 3 contractors, 3 states, and a dozen partnerships. 

It also shows up in validation. The program has been a revenue generator for the company since its inception. Yet every budget cycle is loaded with resentment and tension around the resources it takes to keep such a program flourishing. Rather than acknowledgment, celebration, and nourishment, the company has responded with a scarcity mentality that makes it impossible to successfully manage.

The non-profit world is a grind-it-out, grit-it-out sector. If you're not burnt out, you're doing something wrong. It took me some months to figure out that you need a combination of grit and quit. This is something Annie Duke writes about in her book Quit. There's a time to preserve your future resources. For me, that's energy, passion, and devotion to the work I'm engaged in. Quitting isn't a negative for me. It's a positive that gives me the best chance of being happy and bringing my best self to bear on whatever I do next.

Wish me luck.

Purpose of life

 The purpose of my life is letting go of my stuff. The purpose of my life is letting go of my stuff.

Simple. Not easy. How do you know when to let it go? When it comes up. Not repress. Not stuff emotions. Actually relaxing and releasing the energy that can cause an emotional boiling point without that release. Over and over again, throughout the days and weeks - relax and release. 

Fascigarchy

 Historians will have a difficult time explaining Trumpism. So much of this time is wrapped up in the spectacle of the personality disorders of one person that, as a country, we're unable to see the forest through the trees. Trump is the Republican party. The party is using this sick, weak old man to accomplish its agenda. Without a full reckoning on this premise, we'll never be able to rid ourselves of our original sin and be prone to repeat this cycle much to soon in the future, if we're fortunate enough to have a future.

For now, the GOP has a lightning rod to absorb all the criticisms of failed public policy. What often gets left out of these discussions is how long the GOP has been working at embedding these power dynamics into our body politic. Every norm, institution and electoral practice has been bent and twisted to accommodate the GOP drive for power. There is little ideological underpinning here - it's not about governance or achieving grand policy agenda. It's about holding power and using that power to exploit the weak links in the system to get more. In few words it's about unbridled lust for power over others.

At some point in the near future, 70% of the US Senate will represent just under 30% of the US population. This has been and continues to be the only GOP agenda - permanent control of the US Senate. Then, add in the occasional electoral wins for presidency and US House, and use that power mercilessly to direct the national treasure to your benefit. 

We have Donald what'shisname to entertain us until January 20, and likely beyond. His misguided and mistaken election was a golden ticket handed to the best political strategists and tacticians money can buy. Quietly, behind the scenes, the GOP practiced non-democratic means to achieve power while their buffoon president provided the entertainment and distraction. 

It leaves me with little hope for political solutions to our most challenging crisis. The US is a two-party system with one party interested in governance (as flawed as it might be) and the other party interested only in power and the riches that power brings. Fascism and oligarchy go hand in hand. Both are alive and well in the US, if just camouflaged enough to provide cover for respectability.

My Brother

 Today is the one year anniversary of my brother's death. Steve lived a courageous life; growing up gay during a time when being gay meant being bullied and ostracized, and was much too frequently dangerous. This was also a time where there weren't any supports to speak of for kids or parents around loving acceptance. My other siblings and I knew Steve was different, but we didn't know how, or how to give him loving support.

Despite the challenges, or maybe because of them, Stephen was on a quest to find beloved community. No matter how many times the world and some of the bad inhabitants pushed him around, Steve bounced back; he was so resilient and full of love. Steve made a habit of filling the hole in his heart by freely giving others what he so desperately wanted. 

During his funeral service, so many of his friends shared their stories with our family. To them, Stephen was the life of the party; the friend who showed up when things were darkest; the friend who showed up to share joy; the advocate who worked tirelessly on marriage equality and access to health care. Stephen was so many things to so many people. 

I miss him. His memory is a blessing. I love you Steve.

It's Wintah!

There's a snow storm heading to New England late tonight into tomorrow. We're expecting 6" - 18" of powdery white stuff. This is very exciting!

I have great memories of winter snow storms. As a child, a parent and now as a grandparent. Snow is an amazing natural phenomena and the first real storm of the year is always delightful to me. An opportunity to build on my memories and be joyful.

Tomorrow will be a snow day for me. My plan is to spend as much time as I can with the gizmos, sledding and building a snow fort. We'll put on our masks and put the pandemic out of our minds as we get to the serious business of winter fun.

In this moment, life is good.

There Are No Rescue Boats Coming.

All systems have limits and all systems produce exactly what they were designed to produce. It's remarkable that it has taken a pandemic with catastrophic results to demonstrate both of these principles.

As humans, we're living beyond the capacity of major, life-supporting systems. Our environmental system is collapsing - extinctions, global warming and life-threatening viruses are the norm. Our economic system is failing us - not since feudal times have we seen such disparity between the haves and have nots. Our political system, designed by wealthy slave owners 250 years ago for a confederation of 13 states and 5 million people to serve the interests of the elite minority (legalized feudal system) is not capable of rationally responding to a crisis in any of our life-supporting systems.

Most forms of government have been fully assimilated by predatory corporate capitalism. In times of crisis, any forms of relief will be designed to protect not the people, but the economic system and the corporate captains. There is a coming reckoning between displaced Americans and capitalists who need their fix. It's inevitable and it will take a revolution by the people to change this system.

There will be no rescue boats. Not for us.

Virus Isolation

I hope folks are settling into this isolation period. Without rigorous testing for both the virus and antibodies and contact tracing on positive test results, we're going to be prisoners in our homes for some time. At this point, it seems like we might have a vaccine before we get testing and tracing. This is crazy because a vaccine is at least 12 months out.

It's surprising to me that there isn't more of a clamor for testing. It worked really well in South Korea and they are starting to send the kids back to school. Here in the US, it seems like we're waiting for a corporation to find a profit stream to take on the initiative.

The feds could fix this in 4 to 5 weeks. The US is the wealthiest country on the planet. We have the resources and we have a process to mobilize those resources. The challenge is the power structure doesn't want to mobilize and the president is as dumb as a stump.

Sticky habits

Evolving and growing as a person requires updated and new skills. One of the best ways to introduce new skills is through habit. Change your habits and you change your world, or something like that.

It is challenging to introduce new habits. One of the ways I've been successful with new habits is by connecting them to existing habits. For example, I'm able to maintain a meditation practice by making it part of a larger lunch habit - leave the office, go home (or wherever) have a quick bite to eat and then provide myself the space and time to be meditative. This has worked well because my lunch habit was strong; I wanted to be out of the office to provide a break in the day. What better way to improve the outcome of that break than by introducing another supportive habit.

My intuition and experience tell me that it is easier to protect my habits in the morning. My resilience is stronger in the morning, and the habits I've created for early morning are important to me, thus, worthy of protection. Anything new I want to introduce will be best served by attaching to existing morning habits.

Letting Go

Joy is the elixir of a happy and productive life. Worry robs you of the opportunity to have joy - it creates a negative emotional state that darkens all that you see.

For me, letting go simply means understanding what to accept and what to work to change.

"Life is lumpy. And a lump in the oatmeal, a lump in the throat, and a lump in a breast are not the same lump. One should learn the difference." Robert Fulghum

Minus Fahrenheit

It's cold.

There are no degrees to be had outdoors. In fact, there are minus degrees outside, so you start at a degree deficit just to get to 0 degrees Fahrenheit. It was -6 degrees F when I woke up this morning.

What woke me up was my wife telling me the pipes froze in our upstairs bathroom. We have lived in this house (built in 1920) for three winters and in two of those our hot water feed to the second floor has frozen. Not much to do but apply heat and wait. Hopefully no burst pipes.

It's really cold.

New Year

Despite the cold, I enjoy this time of year. Days are lengthening, even if slowly. There is a sense of revival and new beginnings to life.

I make no resolutions, although I like to re-examine what I want in my life. For me, this requires a thoughtful approach to my choices and opportunities. Without a commitment to considering what it is you want, you will continue to ride the wave of fate. Fate may or may not be kind, but the point is you will not be moving toward your conscious choices. You will simply be responding to events around you.

I spent some time this morning revising my fundamental and primary choices. It's a work in progress, but simply making adjustments based on what I have achieved and new emerging goals has me feeling optimistic.

Happy New Year

“You are a creator for whom all things are possible, and you create through the focus of your thoughts, your words and the actions that you take- enabling metaphysical principles and an intelligent Universe to conspire on your behalf.”  Mike Dooley

Cold - Very cold

It's bitterly cold here in the northeastern US. Temperatures have been hovering at and below zero for multiple days and there's no sign of relief in the near future. If you must venture out, bundle up and make it quick.

Cold weather is far more dangerous than hot weather to humans. More people die from exposure to cold than to heat. Intuitively, this makes sense. On the hottest day (say 100 degrees or so), the temperature is essentially 15 degrees above comfort level. On the coldest day (we had temps of -8 degrees the other morning), we were 93 degrees below that same comfort temp. Brrrrr.

Stay warm.

Progressive Candidates

Maybe it's the optimist in me. Maybe it's my deep progressive roots. Maybe it's my sense of history. Maybe it's my hope for a better world.

But I'm feeling like there's a reckoning coming to the world-wide nationalistic, austerity-driven worldview. I could also be wrong.

If I'm right, Cathy Glasson from Iowa is on the leading edge of a progressive revival.

Give Me A Good Tactic

People aren't filled with apathy. They do care. People do want better lives for themselves, their children and their neighbors. No one wants to struggle to put food on the table or to keep a roof over the heads of loved ones.

What's happened, in my view, is there is a large group of people who have given up. They see no hope in challenging the system so they come home from work, lock the door, pull the shades and pump in hours and hours of broadcast anesthesia. Absent a movement with a message of where we need to go and effective tactics/strategies to get there, we are not going to recruit anyone to our cause.

In many ways, our movement organizations own this. We certainly understand how to agitate people - there are no shortages of injustices in the world. What we lack is a convincing program to challenge the power structures. How will our actions be effective? What can we say about the outcome? There are times when you simply have to protest because it is righteous, but does anyone really want to participate in a one-off event to be waited out by the power structure?

Collective action does not guarantee results, but it is the only action that produces results. The same group that many believe are apathetic are there to be persuaded, waiting for inspiration and tactics that work. This is our job moving forward.

People rise up and power structures double-down. Change requires coercive demand for change. To create an effective demand for change, we need people power. To get people power, we need a clear message and convincing strategy to move people in our direction. To do this, our communications should be on the Why, and our organizers and committed volunteers need to focus on the How to recruit our people power.

Both are needed. Why and How.

ODD

One of my values is taking ownership for mistakes. I value it in myself and others, and it raises flags for me when others deflect and blame. The challenge, and the reason for the warning flags is an unwillingness to take ownership necessarily creates obstacles to growth and development. You cannot fix a vulnerability unless you expose it.

Another value of mine is not defining people by their worst moments. At first look, these might seem incongruous values but they're not - in fact, I would say that understanding this about me should help in overcoming any hesitation in working through mistakes. Taking ownership with someone who understands we all have our worst moments creates growth opportunities for all involved.

I suppose there are lots of reasons why people deflect and blame others for their own imperfections. A close friend who I've shared some of these challenges with has shared back with me something called oppositional defiant disorder. My friend was mostly talking about Donald what's-his-name, but I didn't have to look far to see some closer examples.

Apropos Of Nothing

Trump is ditching the Paris Accord because his hand was squeezed too hard by the new French president. I wish I was making this up.

Heading out for a bike ride around Governor's Island up in Gilford. I'm thinking about riding up from Concord - it's only 27 miles, but it will be my first long ride this year. I'm not sure I'm ready - we'll see.

Some people are just not doing what they were meant to do. You know who you are.

I'm heading to Philadelphia on Tuesday for two days. I was hoping for a Barnes Museum visit but it doesn't look possible. Going to see a hotel room and airport. That's it.

I have no interest in the Boston Red Sox. Not even box score scanning these days.

I've pretty much had it with Clinton Derangement Syndrome. I'm not fan of the Clintons, but agree completely with Hillary's assessment that she lost the election because of Russian meddling, Comey interference and a weak and ineffectual main stream media. It boggles my mind to read the columns by the same people who wouldn't move off the non-story email bullshit now telling Clinton to STFU and go away. We are all well and screwed.

Average Ordinary Life

Heard this on Coffeehouse on Sirius the other day and looked it up. The guitar playing is really good and his voice resonates with another age of music.

It's Obvious

To those with eyes to see and ears to hear that Donald what's-his-name is not well.